B (on the phone): Hello Dr Brown Bear, mummy is very poorly.
M: Wait? What? No I’m not!
B: (chasing Mad Max the super spaniel) Come here you little scallywag!
B: Mummy I can’t sleep. The reindeer are making too much noise.
B: Where’s Santa Kissmass live?
M: Who are you talking to?
B (on the phone): Santa. I’ve been naughty.
B (after having her advent chocolate): Nother? Please mummy! I’m very hungry.
(I’ll point out that she’d just had a banana, a Weetabix and a slice of toast for breakfast!)
M: Don’t put your feet in the colander.
B: I don’t like you any more. Ever!
B (brandishing the feather duster): I’m cleaning all of the cobwebs.
M: You’ll be there a long time.